A person once asked whether eating the feast served after Nikah is Halal or not as it is not proven by Sunnah. "Should one attend it or not?" Hazrat said, "Tell me. If a guest comes to your house do you offer them food or not?" Then Hazrat said, "The first point to understand is that every act that is not a Sunnah doesn't automatically become Hara'am unless there is a specific reason for it being declared Hara'am. No one considers the meal that is offered after Nikah a Sunnat or Farz (mandatory) according to Shariah. However, if people start believing that it is a Sunnat or is Farz according to Shariah then it will become a Bidah (new practices being introduced in religion)."

A disciple once said, "Hazrat! I feel a great deal of love for Hazrat Thanvi RA (Moulana Ashraf Ali Thanvi RA). Sometimes I feel so much love for him that I worry whether my love for him is more than my love for Hazrat, and then I worry whether that would be harmful for me?" Hazrat smiled and then said, "Hazrat Rabia Basria once saw Rasool Allah SAW in a dream or may be had a revelation. She said feeling guilty, 'Ya Rasool Allah SAW! Allah Ta'alah's love has occupied my heart so fully that I do not always remember you.' Rasool Allah SAW said, 'Remembering Allah Ta'alah is remembering me.'" Then Hazrat said, "The truth is that all these relationships are in fact one relationship. These are the reflections of that one relationship."

In response to a question Hazrat said, "A person must be satisfied that the path he is following is the correct one. If he is not satisfied about the path how would he follow it? However, he should never feel satisfied about his own state."

A disciple once asked, "Hazrat! People say that one should think of oneself as a sinner. Should one keep thinking about our past sins or should we just think of ourselves as a sinner overall?" Hazrat smiled and said, "It is wrong to think that one should keep thinking of oneself as a sinner. We should think of ourselves as errant and full of  mistakes but why should we think of ourselves as sinners? Our Sheikh Dr Sahib (Dr Abdul Hai RA) used to say, 'why should a Muslim remain a sinner? Whenever you commit a sin, do Taubah (repentance). If you commit a sin again do Taubah again'. Though we should keep thinking of ourselves as errant and full of mistakes. Tell me, do we perform any Ibadat which is perfect?" The disciple said, "No. We don't perform any Ibadat that is perfect and free of mistakes." Hazrat said, "Then why should the question of thinking ourselves as a sinner even arise? We should keep thinking of ourselves as full of mistakes."

Hazrat then said, "To keep remembering sins one has done Taubah from is not a good thing."

THINKING ILL OF OTHERS بدگمانی (Budgumani)

A disciple once asked, "Hazrat! Sometimes I get bad thoughts about others over trivial matters. Is it thinking ill of others (بدگمانی)?" Hazrat said, "There are various degrees of these kinds of thoughts. The first is that a bad thought comes to your mind about someone over something  but you immediately thought that until I know the full story I should not think ill of anyone and shunned that thought. That is not thinking Budgumani. The second degree is that as soon as the bad thought came to your mind you start believing in it firmly that the other person is exactly like that, without having full information. This is Budgumani and one should refrain from it. The third degree is that you didn't just form a bad opinion about someone but now start behaving with him as if he is exactly like that. This is even worse."

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TAWAZU (تواضع) AND INFERIORITY COMPLEX

In response to a question Hazrat once said that the difference between Tawazu (thinking of others as better than oneself) and inferiority complex is that the person with inferiority complex is ungrateful and feels that I deserved a lot more than what was given to me, it is unfair that I got so little. While the person with Tawazu is grateful and feels that I did't deserve anything. It was Allah Ta'alah's kindness that he gave me so much, this is way more than what I deserved and it is His blessing.

RIGHTS OF WIVES

A disciple, who was abut to get married, asked Hazrat how to make sure that the wife's rights are fulfilled and how to achieve moderation اعتدال in that. Hazrat said, "You know the main principles anyway. The details are different in each case and one can learn about them only when one gets into those practical situations. However, I can tell you a few main principles which are;

• "One should not keep criticising one's wife all the time so that you criticise her about something, then five minutes later you criticise her about something else, then ten minutes later about something else. Just stay quiet at that time. One day when you think the time is right sit down with her alone and tell her gently about the better way of doing things. Then over the next while keep noticing what has changed and what hasn't. Then another day again sit down with her alone and then gently tell her about what's still remaining. InshaAllah things will gradually improve this way."

• Hazrat then said, "A very bad habit has developed in our culture which is called taunting or making indirect critical remarks. e.g. you are talking to someone else but indirectly made a comment about your wife so that she knows you are criticising her, or while talking to someone else just make a comment to your wife that 'at that time you had also done something like this.' This habit is poisonous and should be avoided completely. Whatever you want to say to her you should say it directly and only do it when no one else is around. Don't indirectly criticise her while talking to others. This creates long-term bad feelings."

• "One should try to keep a balance between one's wife's and mother's rights. You have to understand while it is your duty and obligation to serve your mother's needs, your wife is not obligated under Sharia to serve your mother. She should, out of her own free will,  help you mother because it will bring her Thawab (reward) from Allah SWT, and it will make you happy and she should be making you happy, but one should not make one's wife subservient to one's mother."

• Hazrat further said, "the relationship between husband and wife is a unique one. It is a relationship of friendship and love, as well as a relationship where one person is in charge and the other one is a follower, and a husband must try to balance both these aspects of the relationship. Neither should the husband become such a dictator that his wife and children get scared every time he enters the home, nor should he becomes so smitten in love that he loses all his dignity."

• "Husband should retain some dignity and respect in this relationship. For example, it is a matter of thawab (reward) to create humour to make someone happy, but he shouldn't become so preoccupied with it that he ends up being a joker. Similarly, as it happens between friends that one slaps the other as a joke, he starts thinking that wife is also a friend. If she slapped me what difference does it make. That sort of informality is not good for the longterm."

• Hazrat said, "The initial days after the marriage are the most critical one. These are the days which may lead to a relationship being well-formed, or deformed. Once this relationship is formed in the initial days it is very difficult to change it significantly later on. In the initial days it is a very emotional relationship but it is important to keep one's reason about in those days. For example, if the couple gets into a habit of spending lavishly without considering how one would support this habit in the longer term, then it would be very painful to reduce the expenditure later on. That is why it is important to keep this relationship on the right track, right form the beginning."

PRAYING TO ALLAH TA'ALAH FOR EVERYTHING BIG AND SMALL

A disciple once said, "When I went to America this time Alhamdulillah (Praise be upon Allah) I was able to follow Hazrat's advice a lot of the time. Whenever I needed something I immediately prayed to Allah Ta'alah to grant me that. Even if the bus was late coming to the bus stop I prayed to Allah Ta'alah about it." Hazrat was very please to hear that and kept praying for that disciple for some time. He then said, "The core of religion is that we pray to Allah Ta'alah for all our needs and ask Him to grant us those needs. My brother once told me that he saw that his daughter-in-law was spanking her child and yet the chid was hugging her saying mother, mother. So an innocent child has so much love for and trust in his mother that even when she is spanking the child the child still hugs her and asks her to fulfil his needs. We should love Allah Ta'alah at least as much as a child loves his mother."

OBEYING ONE'S PARENTS

In response to a question Hazrat once said, "If parents tell you to do some chore while you are studying then you can tell them once that you are studying, in case they didn't know it, but in case they ask you again to do the same chore then you should stop studying and first do what they are asking you to do."

On the same topic Hazrat once said, "InshaAllah whatever time you spend in obeying your parents, it won't lead to a bad result in your exams, it may be that something else may lead to a bad result but InshaAllah you won't have a bad result because of the time you have spent in obeying your parents."

A disciple who was about to get married asked, "Hazrat! How should I do Tableegh (preach religion) to my wife after marriage?" Hazrat immediately said, "Do not do any Tableegh right after marriage! You should not say a word about this. Do not say anything in addition to what you can model by your own behaviour so that she doesn't get anxious where have I come. Once she has settled down in the new home and you have become familiar then you can gradually say things to her."

In response to a question from a person who had plans to enforce Islam in the entire world Hazrat said, "This is a very good intention that a person should spread the word of Allah in the entire world but please remember that one should start this process from one's own person. If a person can't enforce Islam on his own 5-6 feet frame how can he enforce Islam in the entire world."

A disciple, who is about to get married, said, "Hazrat! last few days I couldn't do my Mamoolat (routine non-obligatory prayers) because of illness." Hazrat smiled and said, "It is okay if you couldn't do your Mamoolat because of illness, just do not leave them because of marriage."

Upon returning from his visit to Uzbekistan Hazrat said, "During the time of the USSR it was illegal to grow a beard, pray Namaz (Salah) or teach Arabic, and it was so strictly enforced that if it became known that someone prayed Namaz or taught or learnt Arabic then they were punished very harshly. Because other people do not always follow their practices as firmly therefore many of them didn't face such hardships but Muslims went through a very tough time. Even in such trying circumstance the way religious scholars kept the Deen (religion) alive is that they had built small cubicles in their homes e.g. there would be a small enclave behind a wardrobe instead of a wall. When everyone went to sleep at around 2-3 am then these people went to these cubicles and because all the religious books had been confiscated they just taught from memory. That is why even after 70 years of such oppression one still finds occasional people who speak Arabic. Otherwise many Muslims there don't even know that alcohol is Hara'am (impermissible). This "Mullah" is very thick-skinned. That is why people oppose him so much because they know they can not alter the Deen while he is still alive.

Hazrat once said, "One way to give up sins in Ramadan is to tell one's Nafs (inner self) that I would give up all sins for just one month. Whenever you get a temptation to commit a sin then just remind yourself that you have given up all sins for just this one month and that it is only for a month. If you keep practicing it InshaAllah (God willing) slowly and gradually it will become easier for you to give up sins."

A disciple once asked, "Hazrat! I usually pray Namaz (Salah) regularly but if I am in a meeting and Namaz time comes I find it difficult to get out of the meeting and the Namaz gets Qaza (delayed beyond its mandatory time). What should I do to prevent that from happening?" Hazrat replied, "Whenever you have free time keep reciting Kalma Tayyaba and when you do remember keep praying to Allah Ta'alah asking His help with this matter."

صبر SABR

A disciple once asked, "Hazrat! When I was sick recently I was experiencing a lot of pain and I would tell everyone that the pain was so intense that I didn't get relief even with i/v pethidine. Is saying that against Sabr (remaining steadfast in trying circumstances)?" Hazrat said, "Unintentional crying, sighing, expressing distress on someone's asking when sick or saying that the pain was quite severe, none of these is against Sabr. There are only two things which are against Sabr. The first is that a person gets upset with Allah Ta'alah in his heart about why Allah gave him that illness. The second is that the person complains verbally saying things like 'was I the only one you could give this problem to'. Expressing distress involuntarily is not at all against Sabr."

In response to a question Hazrat said, "On this path there are two important tasks. One is to give up sins, the other is Zikr-Ullah (recitation of Allah's name). Between the two the primary tsk is giving up sins. If someone gives up all sins but doesn't do any Zikr, doesn't pray any Nafil (non-mandatory) Salah his entire life, Allah Ta'alah will InshaAllah still forgive him, but the reverse of that may not be true."

In a conversation Hazrat once said, "Even if someone says something in front of you that you know to be wrong, do not correct that person immediately that what you said is wrong, especially if other people are sitting there too. Keep quiet at that time and tell him what is right, softly and gently, when you are alone with that person at some other time. If you point out people's mistakes in front of other people then they get defensive and refuse to accept their mistake."

Refraining from sins

In response to a question Hazrat once said, "The right way to give up the physical (external) sins is to make a list of all your sins. Send that list to me in a letter. Even this act of informing your Sheikh has an impact. Then give up all the sins that you can immediately give up. For those sins you can not give up immediately keep those in your mind and keep thinking how you can refrain from them. From time to time keep informing me how many sins you have given up, and how many you have not. And keep praying to Allah Ta'alah. These are the secrets of success. Thinking about it, making an effort, prayer and keeping the Sheikh informed.

The right way of giving up mental (internal) sins is that if something happens which makes you think that you may have committed a mental (internal) sin write to me about it to ask whether it was a sin, and if it was what to do about it."

In response to a question Hazrat once said, "Having a single-track mind is also a big problem, if it is to the extent that if a person starts attending wards, he stops studying, and if he starts studying he stops attending wards. At the moment you are single. Once you get married there will be lots of responsibilities and you will have to balance the rights of all those relationships. What will you do then? At that time this single-mindedness will become a problem. What you need to do is to develop a timetable. And then follow that timetable strictly regardless of how difficult it is for you to switch from one task to another. If you keep following the timetable it will gradually become easier for you."

TAKABBUR (THINKING OF ONESELF AS SUPERIOR TO OTHERS AND THINKING OF OTHERS AS INFERIOR)

A disciple once asked, "If someone finds out that Gheebat (backbiting, saying something bad about someone in their absence) is a sin then he can keep his mouth shut and not say anything bad, but if someone gets a thought he suspects is a symptom of Takabbur (thinking of oneself as superior to others) then what can he do about it?" Hazrat said, "There are two separate things here. The first is that we are not accountable for the thoughts that come into our mind, as long as they don't translate into behaviours. While we are not accountable for the thoughts of Takabbur, we are accountable if they lead to behaviour suggestive of Takabbur e.g. if a poor person is talking to us we don't give him due attention and respect thinking that 'he is such an unimportant person, why should i waste my valuable time on him.' This should not happen. You should never show with your behaviour that you think you are superior to others.

The second thing is that if you keep getting this thought repeatedly that 'i am superior' eventually it will influence your behaviour. So if you ever get a thought like this immediately say Shukr (Thanks) to Allah Ta'alah for all His blessings upon you. Shukr kills Takabbur. For example, if you get a thought that I pray Salah (Namaz) while others don't, then immediately thank Allah Ta'alah that He has given you the good fortune to pray Salah, and pray for others that Allah Ta'alah also grant them the motivation to offer Salah. Think of it this way. If a healthy person looks at somebody who is ill does he say to him 'see! you are sick and I am healthy, and that is why I am superior to you', or does he show sympathy and kindness to him?"

In the end Hazrat said that if an event happens that makes someone think that he may have behaved under the influence of Takabbur then he should ask his Sheikh (spiritual mentor) about it."